Six years ago, I was a ‘normal’ 12 year old girl- going to school giggling with mates, working towards my GCSEs a hoping for a bright future. If only life was so simple…
Unlike many of my mates, socialising felt impossible for me at the time.
Having to live life knowing my mum was diagnosed with severe arthritis, struck me. I knew then that I had to be a carer for my mum, as she was relying me for almost everything.
After a few weeks of coming to terms with the diagnosis, I thought that life would still be normal for me. I was wrong. The beginning of my dark days had arrived, leaving me to feel low, worried and overwhelmed by all the pressure…
As week passed by, I realised that I was changing as a person. My social life had come to an end. I desperately needed someone to talk to, but I just couldn’t face up top telling any of my friends, even my best friend of five years. I was lying to my friend and to myself almost every day.
One friend asked me if she could come over to my house after school to complete a school project, I couldn’t say no as it was very important for her, but on the other hand I didn’t want her to see the reality of my life…I was in a dilemma.
“How about I bring the notes over to school rather than you coming over all the way” I said.
She realised that I wasn’t being myself… I felt embarrassed and rapidly changed the subject… This was the beginning of my lies.
I no time to myself…my life revolved around looking after my mum and younger brothers. I couldn’t concentrate at school, had no time for homework and was missing important deadlines. I was either preparing dinner, or continuously assisting my mum, life was so hectic. I was really angry and upset, “why me?” I kept asking myself.
From being happy and confident, I became a nervous wreck…I kept telling myself “I have to be strong for my family”. I’d even fake illness so that I could miss a day of school.
One day, a cleaner found me crying my eyes out in the school toilets. She then took me to the head teacher, who called my mum. It was then when my mum realised that I was under too much pressure. At the time we both had no choice but to say nothing…
I became depressed and started having panic attacks, worried that my friends would find out. I just thought that my friends wouldn’t understand my situation; I just liked the things the way they were. But the gossip had already spread around the whole school. Random people started calling me ‘weird’ and a ‘freak’. Every day I walked down to school, I could see eyes glaring at me. It became obvious that I was hiding a dark secret…!
All my friends started to question me “what has happened to you?”, “are you ill?” I tried to ignore the truth and smiled and replied “I’m fine” in a firm manner. I just hoped that they would stop questioning me.
It was approaching Christmas, My friend decided to organise a Christmas party during the holidays. Instantly I knew I couldn’t attend- my mum had physiotherapy. Even though I badly wanted to go, I just couldn’t leave my mum, she needed me. “Im busy on that day, sorry” and I walked off. I started to feel exceedingly isolated. I suddenly remembered I had to prepare dinner for the family.
I decided enough was enough. I needed help. Professional help. My mum needed support that I couldn’t provide, such as emotional support which we both needed as well as the day to day responsibilities, cooking, cleaning, shopping and providing nursing and personal care. I realised I needed someone to talk to. My school counsellor.
After school I made time and explained my situation. She said, “ its very common, and there is a solution” she then gave me information of many projects working with young carers. I was happy and relieved to know that I was not the only one going through this.
Barnardo’s Children charity works with children and young people who look after sick or disabled relative. Me, and my mum gave it a go and she enjoyed it so much, we went nearly every week! I made new friends so did my mum. The pressure was off me and allowed me to focus more on my studies. As for my mum she had something to look forward to! This project supported my family up until today. I finally started to regain my confidence and started being me again!